Chapter 32

Sam didn't remember much of the drive in to work. He had been so determined that Cassandra not be allowed anywhere near Beth, convinced completely that he was acting in the best interest of his daughter, that he was having trouble wrapping his mind around the idea of actually trying to get the two together.

A dozen arguments as to why it wasn't a good idea had played through his mind during the trip, the greatest of which involved Bethany's emotional well-being. His heart had nearly broken at the silent appeal in her eyes when she'd told him that she wanted to see her mother. He couldn't decide if she thought that seeing her mother would prevent Cassandra from trying to gain full custody of her or if she was simply curious about the woman who had given birth to her. Regardless of the reasons, he couldn't deny her request.

Having managed to make it to the office, he settled his briefcase near the door, sat at his desk and picked up the phone.

Dee answered on the second ring, and immediately launched into a whirlwind rant about exactly why he should be ashamed of himself. The top of the list being the immorality with which he was treating the mother of his child; the bottom being the fact that he was making her late for work because she just had to get this off her chest. It was the last thing he had patience for. By the time he managed a word edgewise, the phone was being turned over to Sandra.

Sandra's voice was soft and muzzy, in sharp contrast to Dee's jarring diatribe. It was clear that she was either still in bed, or had just woken up. Neither was a surprise. Sandra had never been a 'morning' person.

"What do you want, Sam?" Her question and tone were direct and to the point. No time for niceties.

"Beth wants to see you." He blurted the response, then held his breath. He didn't need to see Cassandra ever again, but for his daughter's sake, he hoped that Sandra wouldn't make this difficult. Before, Beth had been too young to truly comprehend the rejection by one of the most important people in her life. She was much older now, and in many ways, much more vulnerable. There were things that he would not be able to protect her from, no matter how much he might want to.

"Why?" Cassandra's response wasn't the one that he'd been expecting. Why couldn't she have given him a simple yes or no?

"What sort of answer is why?" he asked, his heart sinking. She wasn't going to make this easy. This was going to be retaliation for everything he'd done to keep her away from his daughter. He could almost feel the storm growing, the steam building. He even heard the intake of breath as she prepared to verbally lay into him. But then she blew it out.

"Did she make the decision on her own or did someone put her up to it?" Sandra sounded more tired than angry.

"What?" Sam was a bit dumbfounded. He couldn't imagine where she might get the idea that he'd try to convince Beth to see her. After everything that had happened.

"I want to know if she's making this decision herself. It wouldn't look good to a judge if you weren't willing to –"

"I would never force her into this situation. Your maternal track record isn't very good, and I don't think any twelve step program is going to make that all better. You didn't have her best interests at heart back then, and I don't believe you do now."

"Well, I never believed that you would cut my daughter out of my life. Just because we didn't work out doesn't mean that she and I can't –"

"You did that yourself!" Sam shot back. "You were the one who told us – not just me, the both of us, that you didn't want to see us. You were the one who wanted to leave. You were the one who didn't find Beth and I enough to make you want to stick around to be a wife and mother."

"Yeah, yeah. You were the grown up one, right? Big deal, Sam! You always were. You gave me everything I ever asked for. I never had a chance because even though you gave me everything, you took everything. You swept me along in your dream, your perfect life. Not mine. I had to live my dreams, to go my way."

"What?" Sam felt as if the breath had been knocked out of him. Of all the selfishly twisted psycho-babble. "You're blaming me for your infidelity?"

"No, Samuel," Cassandra's tone was that of a teacher restraining herself with a recalcitrant student. "I'm say we, neither of us, were perfect. You need to realize that a lot of time has passed and whether you like it or not I've changed. I gave up a long time ago trying to be your perfect wife, but you can't take away the fact that I'm Beth's mother."

I wish you weren't. The mean, hateful thought rushed through his mind moments before he stopped it in its tracks. He had to let go the bitterness of the past; Beth's and his own future depended on it. He'd let it taint his life up until this point, allowing it to prevent him from even considering allowing another woman to get close to him. He was ready to start living again, and to do that, he had to let go.

"You were my perfect wife, Cassandra. And I loved you, with all of my heart. I invested everything I had in you, but you threw it all away."

"You certainly got over me quickly enough."

Sam couldn't miss the insinuation, and allowed an humorless half-chuckle to escape. "The irony is that you are partially to blame for bringing us together."

Sandra jumped on the opening. "Who is she?"

Sam ignored the question. "But this isn't about that. Beth wants to see you. Yes or no?"

"That's not an answer. I want to know who this woman is who you've got around my daughter."

"Yes or no, Sandra? Or I'll take your lack of response as a no."

A long weighty silence passed.

"Yes."

The word sounded softly across the link and Sam closed his eyes briefly in response. He almost missed Sandra ask when she could pick the child up. A hundred protective instincts went on high alert at the thought of the two of them going off alone.

"We'll met Saturday at the Boardwalk Café. Eleven a.m. We'll have lunch and spend some time on the beach."

"Fine. Tomorrow then." Sandra acquiesced with less of a fight than he'd expected. "Don't bother to bring the girl friend," she tacked on before hanging up.

Sam quietly hung up the phone. Sandra was in for a bit of a surprise.